.please...I dont think its possible....I can barely breathe''oh dear' he said 'oh dear Rebeka. I thought this was going to be easy.But I can see tha... there's still some resistance left in you. I'veexplained to you quite clearly the consequences of refusal...theconsequences of questioning my instructions, havnt I?Immediately the unspeakable fear of public exposure shot through me and Ifelt the colour drain from my face...'no...no, Master, please, pleasedont....I...I want to obey you...please. . my work ... to ... to give me a simpler sounding surname on the air.” She began returning to her normal color, and her voice settled down as she continued, “The instructor in one of our classes at Ryerson, where I took Journalism, mentioned that having a simple, melodic, surname could help when we applied for a job. That’s why I did it.”Matti relaxed and said, “I wasn’t meaning to pry, Dawn. I just needed something to write on in a hurry, and this was the first thing I saw. I’ll find. I must have stayed in there for a long time because eventually I heard Alex knocking on the door, asking if I was okay. I ignored him, leaning my head against the tile wall and this time I let my tears fall freely. I hadn’t cried at all after the day I found Dad, not even at the funeral. Since then I made it a point to suck it up and keep turning my back on all the pain. It was all too much to bare for me. Not only did I hate my mother for doing this to the family, if you wanted to fucking call. We’d talked, but we had avoided—I had avoided—talking about my women. I had just been unable to deal with the loss. But, I sensed it was time to come back to some semblance of normality. Seeing Stacey standing near me made me feel safer if that would have been the way to say it.I shrugged. “Okay, feeling better, not good, but better. I loved her Stacey. I loved her as much as I loved you,” I said.“I know. And as short a time as I knew her, Davey, I had grown to lover her too. I think we all.
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