.”“Yes,” she smiled, “I already told you I’ve been thinking of thisfor about two and a half years and I saved myself for you and thisday. I... fact before I leave I want you to teach me again … teach meall about sex and lovemaking in every way. I know that we won’t getto it all but I DO want you to take all my cherries. You have onealready and almost two, and there are two more to go. Please teachme how to fuck.”I was a bit stunned to say the least not only by the fact that she wasa. I felt ashamed by my "perversion." Why doI have to be like this? Why can not I be like all the other boys? Lifeis so much easier for them! The place and time I was born did not offerany acceptance for trans people. And the hormone therapy was out of thequestion. I think it is still highly problematic in Russia, but it wassimply impossible at that time. Therefore I was trapped in my body andwas afraid to even talk to anyone about it. I thought I was sick andtried to "cure" myself with willpower.. My daughter suddenly looked angry, very angry, and that with me!“Daddy!” she said.“Daddy?” I said. She knew what I meant.“Yes, fucking daddy!” she blurted. Her language got my immediate attention. Whatever it was that she was here for it wasn’t my relationship with Marian Carton. That might turn out to be a related matter, but it clearly was not the main matter; I’d have put money on that one.“Excuse me?” I said, reacting to her language, and not having a clue what she was about. She’d been. Every time I look at it, I cry remembering what a terrible little bitch I was that day.”Then with an embarrassed little smile she added, “That was the first and only time in my life I’ve ever done that. Since then, all I’ve ever done has been to kiss a few guys — once each! No bells, no second kiss, nor a second date for that matter. John Martin, you’re the only man, other than my father and uncles, I’ve ever kissed more than once. Ever!”Then looking upward she said, “There. Now are You.
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