Kneeling before You, looking up at You, offering myself to You, begging You… If anything, my storm of emotions had left me even more vulnerable and...open to You, Sir. More completely surrendered to You.How could you already understand me so well, Sir? You slipped out of your chair so that you too were kneeling and we were face to face. You took me in your arms and whispered, “Such a good girl.” Then you pulled back and looked into my eyes as you lowered your hands and began to gently pinch. We both sat down, and I put in my earbuds and cranked the music on my phone.I always put together a unique playlist for once I’m on the course, usually with a collection of up-tempo, hard-driving songs, but I always listen to the same playlist before the race. It is decidedly much more mellow, and relaxes me as I stretch myself out and do a few visualization techniques that I learned in counseling over the years.It starts with a hymn I grew up with that is based on Psalm 95. Every time I listen. . that she had to limit her time in Bill's past. He was born in 1955 ... she in 1960. She realized that it was better to time it to the twenties and thirties than suffer Bill again. She had to move on.Her position was being filled by an adjunct professor ... sort of a floater ... good enough to teach but not brilliant enough to publish. She made a decision. It was time to get away.The faculty administrator was not pleased."You could have quit last year," he complained, "We had a perfect. But more than any of that, well...” I said.The food came and it was good. We both ordered salmon this time around; I liked salmon.We’d come in separate cars. She gave me a kiss on the cheek when we went to leave, and it was nice.“Be nice when they visit you, Julian. They do love you, and that more than you think,” she said. I waved her off. And then we were on our separate ways home.I was well aware that Bea was the van guard, and that the main thrust of the western legions would be coming.
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